#028 Exhausted, cranky, and a case of the blahs? Maybe you have burnout

Let's talk about burnout. Turns out, tonnes of people have it. Including me.

It has been awhile!

The last couple of months have had a dualistic quality – energy and fatigue, grief and joy, frenetic and slow.

In the space of 6 weeks I wondered if I had burnout, I finished a semester of uni, I actually had burnout, I finished in a job that was difficult, there was a death in my family, I started my dream job, and I muddled through all of the bits of life in between.

After wondering for a couple of weeks if the feeling of hating work, being stressed by everything and being short-tempered with everyone (among other things) was normal (hot tip – no!).

To me, it seemed burn out was unlikely. I did all the right things to manage stress. I mediated! I exercised! I slept! I ate kale!

Alas, kale is not enough.

Like many working women, I had a lot of balls in the air. Work deadlines, work after the kids went to bed, kids complaining about eating kale, remembering to book holiday program, finding time to go to the dentist, [insert multitude of mental load jobs here].

It felt, well, a bit weird to think I had burnout. Sure, I had a full life – but it wasn’t like I was working 16 hours a day or worked in a job that is susceptible to burn out – like doctors and teachers. But I knew something wasn’t right.

I have been wearing an Oura ring for almost 3 years now, and it records a ‘resilience’ score based on your sleep, activity, and heart rate. My score had been steadily tracking down – from strong, to solid, then adequate – and then rock bottom. I knew that once I hit ‘limited’ (aka the lowest score) that something wasn’t right.

It turns out, burnout is more common than you think. One study has shown that over 3 in 5 Australian workers suffer from burnout.

The Blackdog Institute lists a number of symptoms of burnout – but notes that you don’t need to exhibit all of these symptoms to be experiencing burnout. And if you’re exhibiting some of the symptoms it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are experiencing burnout.

Burnout usually occurs when you experience “some/all of these symptoms in combination with feeling emotionally overloaded”:

·      low energy, motivation or mood

·      feeling isolated or trapped

·      feeling cynical or disengaged from work

·      decreased life satisfaction

·      procrastination

·      irritability

·      feeling exhausted or drained

·      disrupted sleep

·      physical responses like headaches and body pain.

When I talked to a few friends about it, I wondered if it was just life – middle-age, young children, work treadmill?

Yes and no. I knew this time it felt a bit different. Everything was a bit harder. So I decided to ask for help.

I went to my GP. And I took a couple of weeks off work, which helped along with slowing down and saying no to a lot of things.

If you think you have burnout, don’t assume it will go away after a few early nights and some kale smoothies. It probably won’t. First, go talk to your GP. Most are very keen to help in any way they can, including providing advice and a medical certificate to take some time off.

Second, think about some ways that help you reduce stress. There are 2 that are non-negotiable. Sleep and good nutrition. There is heaps of research out there that links both sleep and what we eat to reducing stress and improving mental health. We don’t often think about the link between food and mental health – but it is super important!

Some great foods to help to reduce stress include fatty fish, beans and lentils, berries, matcha, pumpkin seeds, dark chocolate, and avocado. Eating food high in vitamin B, magnesium, and omega-3 can help to reduce inflammation and lower cortisol.

Other things that can help to reduce stress include meditation, yoga, exercise, and moving regularly throughout the day. Go for a walk at lunchtime or schedule time in your day do meditate for 10-15 minutes.

Third, work hard to set better boundaries. Boundaries at home, boundaries at work, boundaries in life. Boundaries should be your new favourite word! Too often we do things to please other people rather than to please ourselves.

Read that last sentence again.

Women, in particular, are not great at this.

Next time you are asked to commit to something that will take a chunk of your time – whether it be 5 mins or 5 hours – take a beat before you say yes. Inevitably there are things in life and work that you might not be able to say no to, but once you have ring-fenced some non-negotiables you might find that there are quite a few things that you can say no to.

Too often we aren’t careful with our time, and treat it as though it is something we will have more of ‘one day’.

I hate to break it to you, you won’t.

A great book to put our use of time into perspective is 4000 weeks by Oliver Burkeman (4000 weeks – the average time we are alive). So next time you spend 3 hours in a meeting you don’t need to be in, or find yourself wasting hours on your phone every day scrolling through junk, or going out for a coffee with someone because you were too polite to say no, think of time as your ultimate non-renewable resource. (And know that if I agree to do something, I am doing it because I REALLY want to, not because I am being polite!!).

Fourth, make time for the things you enjoy. Once you can set a few boundaries, perhaps you might have a little more time during the day to carve out 15 mins or even an hour to reconnect with something you do just for you. It might be painting, writing, reading, pottery, jujitsu, baking elaborate cakes, gardening – just make sure it doesn’t feel like hard work.

Finally – and most importantly, ask for help. Burnout can be the result of doing too much for too long. So ask for some things to be taken off your plate. Maybe it is asking a colleague to organise the next meeting, or getting your kids to put away their own laundry, or asking someone else to cook dinner a couple of nights a week – there are plenty of different ways people can help you. Most of the time, you just have to ask.

Like many things, how long it takes to recover from burnout is a personal one. It might take weeks, months, or even years. So don’t be too hard on yourself if you feel like you need to take it easy for a while.

What are some of the things I am doing to recover? I have started compressing my work hours into 4 days so I can take a day off every week (which might sound counterintuitive, but I am an early riser – so for the moment it is working for me!). I am keeping a light social schedule – and try to have one day a weekend where I don’t have to leave the house. I am meditating everyday – and have found a time to make it stick. And I am trying to fill my plate (and snack drawer at work!) with nutritious food to boost my gut and brain health.

My Oura resilience score is still only adequate, but it is slowly trending up, which must mean I am doing something right!

Be well,

Alicia